My eyes burn with green fire when I am allowed to set my imagination free and see words come alive from the pages of other's minds. I have to wonder what Magick I spin as I read. I have to wonder what colors my other form's eyes create when I see characters lift from paper and fly with their actions predetermined by previously written verses.

I have no direction in this life yet, no true drive at the center of my being to defend. I fear to give when other's are so relentlessly greedy and selfish- trust is shaky, shoddy, and easily cannibalized. But I know what my eyes do when I read, what my heart says as I cry with the characters concocted by another's imagination- set alive only by my own view.

The pencil constantly betrays my patience, it no longer soothes me. Yet is my most treasured skill. And to words, though they are not my most known art, are also a skill I harbor. I wish only to put a picture to them clearly. To draw it as my mind witnesses and weaves pictures that alight my brain from spoken or read words.

But how can I get training in my artistic hand when I find it difficult to even move when day arrives with duty and responsibility? Why have I never had a drive?

To remove myself from this standstill, I fear I must cut the people I value- beside my family- off. How can I go forward without these people, though new- some of them, but valued and treasured without a doubt in every fiber of my being? Should I request aid of them? Ask them to help drive myself to do what must be done?

Without meaning to I have prayed to a nameless god, begged to be able to truly move with strength- in spite of the fact that change has grated against my reality since I was little.
Is this god I begged so helplessly to only now awakening with the power to fuel it? I screamed, not only to years ago to be able to move forward. Change is an ally, and a hard accepted friend to me. Who are you? Who has answered me?

"Please, whatever power or god in the universe and netherworld exists, please- I need to move, I am tired of staying stationary. I need to elevate and breathe! What you can do, whomever you may be can help me, I beg to the universe, it's powers, help me walk!"

I did not realize that request would leave me without a defined drive, without a reason to move.

I hope that now I have found one, that I will truly be able to draw with the aid of another art- words. However, as in science... To explore other planets, you must learn about your own first- this is true for art as well. To draw you must know the form of yourself and others around you in order to expand your mind's eye and and put your visions on paper.